Young Writers Society

                                           Chapter#1: Depressed or Normal

"I am sensing that you consider yourself witty," Farva said.

"your sense is commendable," replied Abdullah.

"but is it right?" Farva asked.

"What? Don't trust your sense? I thought you were here to get me out of misery or stress as they call it, they sent a senseless person to do that. I am disappointed in my friends, which one of 'em sent you, was it Ahsan? and here I thought he knew me, huh, what a shame!"

Abdullah was really witty for a person like Farva, or maybe any psychologist provided his condition. Farva was told that Abdullah was in depression, as in, a major one but to her he seemed all right. She had not had much experience so she thought that the patient would be irritant and resistant to talk but had found a bright contrast in Abdullah from the standard textbook depressed. It was her first case and she needed the money so she agreed to see Abdullah at his home, which was a simple two-bedroom single-story house. She liked it.

"It was Faran who sent me not Ahsan, your cleverly."

"Is this supposed to be a joke-"

"Yeah, you know, majesty.....cleverly," she intervened.

"oh, you are the worst one yet!"

"How many have seen you before?"

"Don't know, 6.....maybe 7, don't remember, don't care."

"At least I'll stick out."

"That you will, surely."

"Today I was just here for an introduction but I shall come again, I think I know how to deal with you,"

"They all say that."

And she was gone but she left a feeling in Abdullah's heart, of which she didn't know and neither did Abdullah think that he would ever feel, not again, anyway. So he denied it's existence. He had promised himself he wouldn't feel anymore, as he thought the daughter he lost took all his feelings with her. But did she take all of those?

Chapter#2: Stupid Name

Farva was intrigued by Abdullah's condition. She knew through his friends that he had lost his daughter, literally when she asked him for the first time if she could go to the movies with her friends and she never returned. From the next day, they noticed a subtle change in him and now it had been two years and that was normal now but still a part of his best friends, Ahsan and Faran, wanted the quick-witted, funny Abdullah back. Everyone else he knew almost forgot that he existed.

His friends also lost all hope. They moved on, married people they loved and Abdullah attended their wedding but it wasn't the Abdullah that used to plan stuff for their weddings with them years ago. It was just a man in a suit who was there for the formality. And yes, he wore a suit. He looked good. He was a witness in their Nikkah. He spoke when he had too and these were the only two occasions he had gone out of his house if we leave out the occasional walk to the supermarket. So, the next day, when Farva arrived, she had planned her questions and in her mind, she knew she could deal with Abdullah. She arrived at his house, the door was open so she helped herself.

"Is it always open?" Farva asked as Abdullah opened his bedroom door.

"Of course," he spoke pointing towards the chair with the scratched surface.

"It wasn't here yesterday," she said sitting down on a rather comfortable chair than she had thought by looking at it.

"Now, I don't want you to think I'm mannerless, do I?" he said while lying down on his bed.

"Why do you have two bedrooms? when you live alone," she asked thinking it would bring something to Abdullah's mind about his daughter and he would open up.

"Do you have a problem?"

"No, not at a-"

"you can take the other one if you want, I don't care," he said it as if he really didn't care.

Farva wasn't getting anywhere with him so she went textbook.

"Ok, so your name-"

"Oh, I never liked my name but I didn't hate it enough to you know waste my time changing it."

"And why didn't you like your name? if I may be so bold,"

"You know, it's just stupid, I mean Abdullah, God's man, we live in a Muslim country, everyone knows that everyone is God's man, why do people have to confirm it this way, it's just stupid and I don't like it." He could see Farva smiling a little so he turned his eyes from her.

"That's no reason to hate your name,"

"Ok then maybe I wanted it to be something else and I don't hate it, I just don't like it, there's a difference."

And so it went on for a month and Farva forgot that she was paid to do it for a week but she took it as a challenge and a month had passed and every day she went home from Abdullah's and thought about the questions she had prepared before the visit. She remembered that she had never asked those.

Chapter#3: Monsters and Lovers

Farva thought of all the things he had revealed in this month. When she focused, she came to know that he had told her everything but she was the one who only thought about him and not about her job to heal him. She came to know that she had fallen in love with a widower who had his daughter raped and killed and he thought that he was responsible for it. She went back to him thinking that she would tell him about her love and maybe it would help him to get out his misery too.

Now she's sitting in front of him, hesitant to talk and she does not understand why. Abdullah senses the awkwardness and goes first for the first time in the month maybe."What's going on, someone plucked out your tongue for asking questions or your teeth bit on it themselves to stop the utter nonsense you speak,"

Farva doesn't look at him but she can feel his eyes on her, "No, it's just that......why didn't you file a report against those wretched people in the police"

"I think I was busy in some of my other feelings that I couldn't think of vengeance, plus she was never coming back and that's what mattered,"

"But you could have stopped those people from doing it again,"

"Why would I do that, Why would I care for other people?"

"So you were not human even before your daughter was......you know-"

"Dead is the word you're looking for,"

"I'm sorr-"

"Don't be, it's been years,"

"So, why do you still live like this?"

"what do you mean, like this, isn't this normal?"

"Oh please, I'm leaving," Farva said as she stood and opened the door.

"Ok,"

And she left. She remembered that she had forgotten what she had planned to say to him, again. Maybe he was too interesting or maybe she was too afraid that her love wasn't as strong as Abdullah's regret for letting her daughter die. Maybe she was afraid he wouldn't answer her love with his. But she had to do it for her own sake and so she did.

Chapter#4: Brave or Coward

Farva was thinking if she should send her parents for the marriage proposal as done traditionally in the country or she should go herself and ask him. While she was busy choosing, Abdullah was in his house, her daughter on the scratched chair, talking, "so you love her........but you loved me too, didn't you? and you loved mom, look what happened to us, you'll kill her too, that's what you do, that's who you are," her tone was cold.

"no, no, no, no, I didn't kill you nor your mother, those people killed you,"

"So where am I buried, Father? where did you bury me, Father?" tone got colder, Abdullah had tears in his eyes, he was on the ground, but her daughter didn't care. Like father like daughter.

"Oh I remember where you buried me, you buried me in your shame, oh you are such a great Muslim, couldn't tell anyone that your daughter was raped, so you just went against your religion, didn't you tell me we don't burn people when they die, didn't you tell me that's what bad people do, Father?"

"I am sorry, Fatima."

He was crying his eyes out but he knew what he had done and he could never forgive himself. Then he pulled himself together and wiped the tears off his face and saw Farva standing at the door.

"Have you been crying," She asked.

"Men don't cry, darling."

"I wanted to ask you something-"

"Yeah, I know, you love me and trust me I love you too but you have to leave now and please don't ever come back, do this for me," Abdullah said it like it was nothing, like it wasn't tearing him apart, like it was normal and not depressing, just like he thought his life was.

"Please, you don't have to do that, you didn't kill her, you loved her, you could never kill her, please don't do this to me, you don't know what it means, what your love means for me," Farva was pleading and it wouldn't be love if there was no pleading.

"I can't love anyone now, Farva" first time he called her by her name and under such ironic circumstances, "all my love died with my daughter,"

"Why didn't you just kill yourself with her, you bastard, the world could have done so much better without you," now she was no longer pleading, "I could have done so much better!"

"You don't think I tried, I tried but I am a coward, I just couldn't pull the trigger," Abdullah was one of those people who thought the stuff in books was bullshit. He believed suicide was for the brave and the people who write that suicide is cowardly and people who kill themselves are cowards because they seek an escape from their responsibilities and what-not, also wrote bullshit. Abdullah was all right with the responsibilities. It was when he was deprived of the responsibilities that he started thinking about suicide.

"Yes, I tried to kill myself, I tried standing at the edge of a building but I couldn't jump off, I just couldn't."

"I wish I was there to push you off," and Farva went away, maybe crying or maybe dying, Abdullah didn't care, at least that's what he tried to tell himself as he tried to sleep. Farva felt bad so, she came back for a last word of goodbye the next day but this time the door wasn't open.

Chapter#5: A Stitch in Time

"So I hear you wore a suit to Ahsan's and Faran's marriage," Farva said smiling at her question.

"yes, I did. In fact, I think I looked the most handsome that day in that suit, It's in the wardrobe, do you want me to show you?" Abdullah sounded excited. Yes, you read that right.

"no, I think I'll leave now, I have to be somewhere in an hour."

"ok, bye."

Abdullah opened his eyes and couldn't figure out if he was sleeping or just thinking. He didn't protest whether it was sleep or not but intrigued him was why did he open his eyes. The doorbell rang again and then he knew why. He opened the gate thinking that how stupid he was to think about the same person for two years.

"hey, man. Get ready, we're going to attend a nikkah" Ahsan said standing in his blue three-piece.

"Why, did Faran divorce the last one?"

"No, it's someone else," Ahsan let out a laugh.

"who is it?"

"you remember the doctor-" and Abdullah understood what had happened, what he had lost, he almost felt his air being sucked out but he was a man, wasn't he.

"Which one?"

"the one who delivered Fatima?"

"Oh, him."

"yes, he's the lucky one."

"ok, come in, I'll just take a shower."

"Thanks,"

And they are on their way to the nikkah but today Abdullah felt as if he could move on. He felt different. They attend the nikkah and the groom says that he accepts the wife, three times and then the wife says three times and its done. Abdullah hesitates but then asks Ahsan who's standing with Faran, "hey, Ahsan, you remember the girl you sent, the psychologist, actually Faran she said you sent her,"

"You talking about Farva?"

"yes, that's the one. Where is she nowadays?"

Abdullah had been thinking that he should go and tell her and ask her to forgive him and it would all work out.

"Yeah, she's actually the bride, man, I know I couldn't see her in that veil or whatever it was, but you know how it goes in nikkahs,"

Abdullah didn't know what to do. He thought his chance at redemption was gone but he couldn't think properly and went quickly to Farva and took her to a side.

"Farva, I wanted to tell you something, please wait, just listen to me,"

"and why would I do that?"

"Because I love you and I think you are my only chance at redemption."

"ok, let me stop you there cause this is bullshit, I'm married, my husband loves me and I can't do anything now, you're two years too late,"

"No, you can still stop this, just tell your husband, he loves you, he would do what you say, please, I'm running out of time and I want to spend the rest with you, please, Farva."

"I'm sorry but I think you should go," she says, walking away from Abdullah.

The next thing Abdullah sees are two birds beside his foot and the wind blowing in his face and he heard himself saying,

" Thanks for the push, Farva."

Three Years Later

"My name is Doctor Saifullah,"

"What a stupid name, huh."

"And may I ask why do you think It's stupid?"

"I don't know, it just is, I mean, God's Sword, pfff, why does he need a sword, he's God, can't he just snap his fingers or you know say the words that he says,"

"I'm sensing you consider yourself witty, Farva!"